Um, yes. So maybe if your two-year-old son is at the tail end of about five weeks with very little routine, and comes down with a fever that lasts the better part of four days ... maybe that is not the best moment to assess his behavior.

And maybe - I'm just spitballing here - if you can't find any preschool programs (that are not "Mommy and Me") for two-year-olds, it's because no adult in their right MIND is going to take on teaching a group of two-year-olds ANYTHING without some back-up, because all they are going to do is run in circles and hit one another.

And maybe I should stop comparing my particular two-year-old to all the little three-year-old girls in our circle of friends. Sweet little diminuitive children who are content to read books for hours on end and will sit through an entire movie voluntarily, and whose idea of fun is very - very - different from a two-year-old boy's.

And maybe I should stop assuming that just because he uses phrases like, "Excuse me! I need a little privacy!", he actually understands the right context for those phrases. And just because he's as tall as a three-year-old, and has the vocabulary of a three-year-old, does not mean he's a three-year-old. He's not even close, actually.

In other words, maybe I should quit freaking out over nothing, back off, and let Asher be two for a while longer.

Ya think?

maternal

Have I mentioned that my sister and I often show up at a function and discover we're wearing the same outfit? It's strange, and it's only developed in the last few years. I guess our tastes - and budgets - are finally meeting in the middle.

So here we are - Allison at 35 1/2 weeks pregnant, and me, not. Dressed the same (coincidentally, again) at her baby shower:



Isn't she adorable? Pregnant bellies are so cute on other people.

Also, OH MY GOSH MY BABY SISTER IS ABOUT TO BE A MOTHER. New babies are so FUN and EXCITING when other people are having them. When it's my turn, I am so overwhelmed that I usually miss the forest for the sleep deprivation, but when it's other people doing the birthing - and hopefully not the c-section recovery - I get all philosophical about it.

Happy Monday everyone. And yay for my sister!

in which i ask for advice. again.

Asher has a fever virus. I know they are really common, but it's the first time anyone in our house has had it, and fevers put me a little on edge (I am constantly waiting for him to have a seizure, which I KNOW is not that common, but Brian and I both had febrile seizures as kids, and I'm neurotic, remember?). Anyway, boo for fevers that interrupt sleep and don't mean anything is actually wrong and don't break for days. Boo, I say.

But I'm not asking for advice on febrile seizures (praise Jesus) or on fever viruses. (Which would be - do whatever you can to keep the fever down and keep them hydrated. To that end, Asher is eating a popsicle and iced tea for breakfast. GOOD WORD for the sugar, but I really don't care. Keeping him hydrated is becoming an issue. But I just opened up a cup-sized, totally fake, rasberry-flavored, don't-even-look-at-the-ingredients popsicle for him. When I told him it was rasberry-flavored, he said, "But where are the rasberries?" Bless his little wholesome heart.) I don't want to talk about any of that. I want to talk about resources for 2 and 3-year-olds.

Asher needs some time consistently away from me, to build independence and friendships. Mother's Morning Out is not the best option for us this year (maybe next?), and I'm having a hard time thinking of what kinds of extra-curricular type things he could do. Everything that I'm aware of starts at age 3 - soccer and preschool library classes and even VBS and Sunday school all begin at age 3, to my knowledge. What other ideas do you guys have? I swear, ballet and gymnastics start practically at BIRTH for little girls, but little boys have fewer options (to my knowledge - but I'm a girl and I wasn't raised with brothers, so maybe I'm overlooking something?) I guess it is an option to just wait until he's 3, but have you met my child? Verbally and cognitively he's three years old. Socially, though, he's not. Which is why I need some suggestions.

I'm also interested in preschool curriculums that I could thumb through for next school year (isn't it funny how much of our lives revolve around school calendars, even though nobody in my house is in school right now?). I have an idea about general concepts for his age, but I need some new blood in terms of activities, materials, books, etc. we could do at home. And I have learned about myself that I'm not a verbatim lesson plan type of teacher. I really love learning that is experiential and initiated by the child (though set up with the right materials by an adult) and can "flow" a little better than lesson plans often allow. But new ideas are a must. Any suggestions?

I'm also going to compile a list of the free activities for young children in our area. There are some things I've been overlooking (apparently there is an agricultural museum in town with a hands-on section for kids? And what toddler boy wouldn't love to a cow and tractor museum?), and I want to make a list so that when I'm thinking - oh my GOSH we need something interesting to do today or I'm going to lose my mind! I can look at my handy little list. So, help, please! Send all of your suggestions my way.

Enjoy your Sabbath.

on working at home

Last night we went to our favorite - only - local, fresh, cheap, kids-eat-free deli restaurant for dinner (since we don't eat fast food and I REFUSE to continue to pay laughable bills for exhausting dinners in restaurants until my children are old enough to be expected to sit in one place for two hours at a time, we rarely eat out anymore, unless we go to this deli). I ran into a friend who works in the same field I do, whom I haven't seen in probably a year. The first thing she said was, "I love your blog," (why don't you guys speak up every now and then!) and the second was, "There's a job opening up that would be perfect for you."

That got my attention.

Early Intervention is a small, specialized field. I didn't realize exactly how small or specialized it was until I stepped out of it and just assumed I could step right back in at will. There are only a few good Early Intervention positions in town (with bosses that don't make you need to scream in a pillow and pay that doesn't make you sigh), and those positions become available about once every ten years, since people normally don't give them up. One of them may become available in the next few months.

It's the only job (well, as I said, one of a few) that would make me ever seriously consider going back to work at this stage in life. It's a great organization, with at least some personal flexibility and a balance of interaction with clients and administration. If I didn't have children, friends, I would be updating my resume right now. And because it is a small, specialized field, I might even have a chance at getting it.

I listened to her talk about it and tried to imagine what it would be like to go back to work. I would love the work - there's no question about that - but what about everything else? How would Asher (who positively came unglued after three days away from home) deal with being away from me for most of his day? How would my relationship with Silas - who is just now beginning to awaken to the world around him - change? The income would be nice - after buying (no lie) a roof (or the deductible for one, anyway), insulation, air conditioning system, a master cylinder, and a brake system since March, and still needing new tires and a functioning laptop, the income would definitely make our lives more comfortable. And I now understand that positions like this one don't open up every day, or even every year ...

I stood in the restaurant, listening to her talk, remembering all that I loved about working full-time. Then I looked at my children. Asher was standing up in the booth, narrating what was happening in the aquarium just above his head ("Look, there's NEEEmo and DOORY playing together! They're swimming Mama!") and Silas was making every human effort to escape the seatbelt of the high chair, having tired of chewing on the menus.

"No," I said to her slowly. "I think I'll keep the job I have." The position I have now doesn't come along very often, either.

he may have a future as david hasselhoff. (updated)

(Jamie, this picture is for you. We miss you guys!)

Oh, it is INFURIATING how much the mood of our entire household reflects MY mood. Can't I just be irritable sometime without all hell breaking loose?

Not so much, no.

Yesterday, really Tuesday and Wednesday both, were not our finest. We had fun with friends both mornings, but in general, Asher was intent on doing the opposite of what is expected from him - pushing, kicking, biting, leaving time-out, etc. At one point he even put a diaper on HIMSELF rather than go to the potty when asked. And I was just as obstinate - not giving in to things that really didn't matter, not letting him win, ever.

Boo.

So yesterday after nap I told Asher that while he had been unkind to his friends, I had been unkind to him. I asked him if I could try again (which is our catch phrase with him to make sure he understands it's over and he's starting fresh). The rest of the evening was less unbearable, but I was still completely exhausted from our power struggles. I put him to bed at 7:35, and by 7:39 (no lie) I was on the couch for the night.

I was determined today would be better.

And - as exasperating as it is to admit it - it was. We started the day with books and coffee in the sunroom, avoiding the noise of news and cartoons first thing. We spent our morning at the new splash pad in town, followed by the children's portion of a local museum. We didn't go with friends - which is fun, but tends to mean I'm a little less engaged with the kids - but just spent time together, and there was not one power struggle all day long. Life was much simpler - and less exhausting - because I had a better attitude about it.

It's both scary and encouraging to know that I shape the mood in our home. I would like to roll my eyes and say, he's just acting two. Most of the time, though, I'm the one who needs to grow up.

Good night all. More on mercy and sacrifice tomorrow. Have you guys been thinking about it?

but if i wait for a GOOD time to bring it up, it'll be like, 2027 before i ever get around to it.

"If they are right," she said to me, "And following Christ is about right and wrong, and the rules that we follow ... if they're right about that, I'm going to Hell."

Huh.

She said it a month ago or more, and I've been chewing on it since.

A life of faith in Alabama is an interesting thing. Southern culture is inundated with religion. There is - hand to God - a sign close to our house that says "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and seek Ed for all of your tire needs." It is also the breeding grounds for fundamentalism, and an understanding of Christianity that is far removed from grace or love. The world is black and white, and very small, all around me. Brian even had someone make a comment to him a few weeks ago about the "Catholics and the gays." I was astounded. My response was, "Did you tell them the Catholics and the gays have been ministering to me for a while now?"

It is in this climate that I'm faced with my own calling to love God and my neighbor more than I love myself. I'm not exempt from loving those who hate the people I love, who think I'm wrong, who do not love me back. And I'm faced with the responsibility of raising children who will choose their own path of faith. I cannot choose their steps, but I do have some measure of control over their trajectory. I will tell them who God is, and - terrifyingly - they will probably believe me.

And the whole thing would be overwhelming, except that I find consolation in Christ. It was Jesus who was most angered by Pharisees, who had taken their own understanding of the law - which was meant to protect the community, not fracture it - and were using it as a means of elevating themselves and isolating others. To them Jesus said, "Go and learn what this means: I desire mercy, not sacrifice."

The two opposing ideas of mercy and sacrifice have been my meditation lately. and ...

Oh, I give. There's a penny flute in my ear and the baby's breakfast is over, and now I must go. We'll call this part one in a stream of consciousness series on grace and sacrifice. Chew on it too - maybe even post on your own blog about it. For that matter, I may go ca-razy and learn about Mr. Linky. But seriously, think on it. We'll talk more at nap.

the incredible growing boy

In the three days I was away from him, Silas

- walked across the room at his Grandma's (he's taken steps before, but only 3-4 at a time).
- learned the word "that" and now says it for everything. He will hold up a toy and announce, "That!"
- started pointing at pictures in books (which is a really important cognitive skill, though not quite as exciting as the "That!" pronouncements).
- came surprisingly close to falling back to sleep in the middle of the night without the help of a bottle, something he has never in his life done before last weekend. Not once, ever.
- became proficient in the sign for "eat."
- seems to be imitating more new sounds every hour. "T" sounds and "Da" for "all done" and animal sounds, using "mama" to call me and imitating environmental sounds. The other day I watched him push a truck around and make a truck sound spontaneously (as I had done a few hours before).
- started blowing kisses with a pucker. If you say, "Love you," he will blow you a kiss. So sweet.

Also, yesterday, in the sanctuary after church, he crawled part of the way down the center aisle, announced, "bye-bye" as he waved to no one in particular, then crawled out into the vestibule. We were clearly visiting too long, and he was ready to go home.

Children typically focus their attention on one developmental area at a time. When babies are in the midst of a big language burst, they will usually plateau in their motor skills. Or when they start to walk, their language skills will level off for a few months. As in all things, Silas is determined to defy the norm, and seems to be in a general developmental burst right now. I really think tubes (and subsequent improved hearing) have something to do with this, but both his motor and language skills have both taken off at the same time.

I love watching babies grow.

And because you tolerated my unadulterated gushing for so long, here are a few pictures of the prodigy himself.





Happy Monday, all.

Hi.

I have a blog recommendation for you: The Accidental Pilgrim.

She is choosing to remain anonymous, but trust me when I say she is extraordinary. If ever there was a voice I needed to hear more often, it's hers, and I am super excited she decided to keep a blog.

Go. Now. Nothing left to see here.